HUTCHINSON -- I guess I need to provide a space for readers who wish to comment on Tiger Woods’ unemotional, poorly choreographed, insincere reading of a prepared statement in which he apologized for multiple acts of recreational adultery to sponsors, foundation trustees and media members, but not to his own wife.

One thing became clear out of it -- he is out of his league with Elin. She was smart enough not to show up. He was too dumb not to. Elin has served as the single monument to decorum and grace throughout … well, at least since she dropped the golf club with which she terrorized Tiger’s SUV back when and then moved to a private island she owns. The chick’s got her own island … damn. That, for all you single men out there, is known as a “good catch.”

Or, you may wish to forward your thoughts on the follow-up news conference with the reptilian Gloria Allred and her porno movie whore-client, who not only insisted she has “feelings” but has announced she aborted a pregnancy in which Tiger was the contributing male. If that’s true … man, alive … talk about tearing up a winning lottery ticket … .

My own view is the Allred-Whore follow-up was simply a warning shot fired over Tiger’s bow: “Don’t play with me. Write the check. Or I’ll do this once a month.”

Anyway, comments are open at the end of this column.

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A final couple of thoughts on the attorney-client shoving match that The Hutch News didn’t think was a story until it was published first in The Effort: I don’t understand how any attorney can inaccurately contend a jury verdict came back at 5:30 or 6 p.m.,when it, in fact, came back at 1:15 p.m. Particularly, a jury verdict that went in the defense attorney’s favor -- that would, ostensibly, make it “memorable.”

There were two minor inaccuracies in the below story concerning Hutchinson Attorney David Holmes and an incident at Carl's Bar, a downtown Hutchinson restaurant.

**Holmes was not at the restaurant when the owner called for police. He had already left and police instead went to Holmes' office, where they advised him of criminal trespass if ever returned to Carl's Bar.

**Holmes allegedly scraped the condiments on his bun off onto the table before reportedly smearing them around on the table.

The errors have been fixed in the story.

Dwight Jurgens

HUTCHINSON -- A local defense attorney has been charged with misdemeanor battery after an altercation with a former client and, in a separate incident, ordered to stay out of a popular downtown bar and grill.

Attorney David Holmes was charged with battering William Cox, 37, after Cox went to Holmes’ law office on East 2^nd Feb. 8 to pay Holmes for legal representation.

Apparently a shoving match ensued. Police showed up and arrested Cox for investigation of misdemeanor battery and three counts of disorderly conduct. He later posted a $500 bond.

A few days later, Holmes was issued a Notice to Appear in municipal court, charging him with battering Cox.

Both men appeared in court Monday and entered not guilty pleas. Cox is due back in court March 3 for a pre-trial.

No date has been set for Holmes because both City Prosecutor Mike Robinson and Municipal Court Judge Tad Dower have recused themselves from hearing Holmes’ case.

Instead, Kingman attorney Matthew Ricke will serve as prosecutor and Pratt lawyer Rob Eisenhower will sit as judge in Holmes’ case. Holmes has indicated he does not want a pre-trial but wishes to go straight to trial, according to court personnel.

If Cox and the city cannot work out a plea agreement at his pre-trial, the two out-of-town attorneys will hear his case, as well.

And earlier this week, police were called to Carl’s Bar, 103 N. Main, where Holmes, his wife and two others had gone to eat.